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Oprahs givin away KFC coupons

DId anyone see Oprah yesterday?  Well, she was giving away free KFC meal coupons. Check itg out!    www.oprah.com/kfc. I would love to stay and tell you how my life is going but my sister in law found 6 four leaf clovers today and she has recruited me to find more. Have a lucky day!

A Successful B-day

My baby is turning one year old tomorrow but we had a party for her yesterday. It was very nice. My best friend Tami came over with her vivacious 3 yr old Katelyn. She is so darn cute it's not even funny. I made the cake for the party. It is the funniest cake I have ever made. It had two teirs and it was lopsided but it was good. Miss Susie Homemaker I am not, lol. I am not sure if you all do this but we put the cake in front of Olivia and instead of digging in like I thought she would do, she poked at it with one finger. oh no, gotta go baby woke up and has peed through her diaper....i will be back.....

Feeling Better Today

Boy I can be pretty dramatic when I am depressed. I am feeeling better today because my best friend Tami is coming up for my one year old's b-day party. I couldn't afford to do much this year which makes me feel like crap cause on Lizzie's 1st b-day we had a huge bash. It's ok though, she doesn't really know the difference at this point. I am going to make a cake which I will gladly post when I am all finished. I
I can't believe Olivia is one already. The time flew by so fast it feels like a blink.
My girls are so special to me. I am so proud of both of them. Elizabeth is so smart in school. She excels in almost everything. I recently switched her school ( the third one in the last two years) and I am not happy with the progress of her social skills. Her teacher seems to think that she is aggressive and awnry but honestly, I think it's the teacher's teaching style. I mean, these kids have enough time to talk about their personal lives. I am a pretty private person when it comes to people knowing my business and apparently my daughter has been telling this teacher all sorts of details about my drama filled life. I thought school was for learning, not gossip time.
Anyway, let me get off that track. Ill have to leave that for another entry.
I am happy today and that is all that matters. I am surprised cause I was up half the nite with Olivia. I think she has nightmares. Ill have to ask the doctor about that. She wakes up screamimg for no apparent reason. It sucks cause I can't figure out what she could possibly be dreaming about that would scare her. She's not abused. There aren't any traumatic things happening except that I tell her no when she is touching things she not supposed to. Oh well, I had coffee this morning so I am ready to go. There is some serious cake making going on in this house today. Have a nice day.

Will I ever get a full night's sleep again?

I love my children. Really I do. When they are asleep, I think about how wonderful they are. I have 2 girls. Elizabeth and Olivia. I don't think that I could ever love anyone else more than I love them. They are literally who my world revolves around. When I wake up every morning I think about how I can make them have a great day. It's exhausting, how much I love them.
There's the downside. I mean, as much as I love them, I can't wait for them to go to sleep. Am I wrong, for feeling this way? My family and friends say that it is normal but is it?
I know I am depressed. I have been feeling this way for monthes. Well, I have been a depressed person for a number of years, but just in the last few monthes, I haven't been able to shake it. I'm not suicidal or anything but hopelessness has been an issue lately. My depression has gotten so bad that I can't even get out and find a full time job to get myself out of the situation I am in. It's almost like I am paralyzed and I can't move. I have been on a couple different types of medication but they only work for a little while and then it is back to the same old weight in my chest. The same feeling of tiredness that has your mind awake but your body is powerless. The most recent medicine I have been taking has at least helped with the physical aspects. I am not as tired and the aches and pains that I use to attribute to some horrible undiagnosed sickness, has subsided. I didn't realize how painful depression really was until Cymbalta came along. It would also make me sleep well if not for my 1 year old who wakes up and screams long enuff so that I am fully awake, and then goes back to sleep. She does this 2 or 3 times a night.
If yo met my 1 year Olivia u would think that she is the happiest, most pleasant little girl, and for the most part, she can be. But when it is just Olivia and I, she whines constantly and she wants my full, undivided attention. She won't sit in a playpen and play, for me. She will play in a playpen for my sister-in-law. She will also take a nap by herself for my sister-in-law. Do u know how inadequate I feel when my daughter won't do these things for me?
I hate being a single mom. I never signed up to be a single mom. It just worked out that way. Ever since Elizabeth, who is 7, was conceived, I knew I would be a single mom. I also thought I knew how hard it was going to be. Huh, I was wrong. It is a whole hell of alot harder than I realized. Her father isn't a piece of cake to deal with, either He's an alcoholic and asshole most of the time. He doesn't have steady work, so I don't get child support. And he acts like anything he does for me (which is very little) needs to be rewarded with sex or a blow job. Nice guy, huh?
Olivias dad, well he's never even met her. It's sad really considering that I knew the guy for most of my life. That didn't stop him from hitting and running. I haven't talked to him since November, and before that, for a year. I have such good taste in men, I tell ya.
Don't get me wrong. I decided to have both of them. I promised myself that I would do everything in my power to keep my girls happy. I just didn't realize how hard it was gonna be.



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